‘No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning I keep on swallowing. At other times it feels like being mildly drunk, or concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps, hard to want to take it in. It is so uninteresting. Yet I want the others to be about me. I dread the moments when the house is empty. If only they would talk to one another and not to me’ said C.S. Lewis in ‘A Grief Observed’. I go thru the same feelings, same emptiness, same restlessness at times trying to cope with my father’s death.

My father, Prof (Dr) Gyanendra Pandey dedicated his life studying, researching, practicing, and teaching Ayurveda, holistic system of medical science and is known as the oldest science of healing that is more than 5000 years old.. He was born on 20th January 1943, in the Etawah district of Uttar Pradesh in India. A well-known specialist in the Indian traditional medical system, my father did his BAMS from Gurukul Kangri Ayurvedic Medical College, Master’s Degree in Ayurveda from Gujarat Ayurved University, Jamnagar, Gujrat; another Master’s Degree in Indian Ancient History, Culture & Archaeology and Doctor of Philosophy (PhD) from Gurukul Kangri Vishwavidyalaya, Haridwar and Banaras Hindu Univeristy (BHU), Varanasi, Uttar Pradesh. His PhD thesis was on ‘Medicine in South-East Asia’, which was later published as a book. He was also an Elected Fellow of the Royal Asiatic Society (FRAS) of Great Britain and Ireland.

Papa held the post of Deputy Director (Ayurved) with Central Council for Research in Ayurvedic Sciences (CCRAS), Ministry Of Ayush, Government Of India where he worked for 33 years from 1st July 70 to 31st January 03, and retired on superannuation.